Relationships in the Family of God

 

Relationships in the Family of God

 

 

For guests we going through the book of 1Timothy and it's appropriate that the passage we come to on this Mother's Day is centered on the family dimension of the church.

 

1 Tim. 5:1-2

 

Chapter 5 and the first verses of chapter 6 have to do with relationships in the church and how we are to treat one another. The church is comprised of different groups of people, and while Paul is not exhaustive he outlines several groups of people and how we should act toward one another within the church.

 

¨ How to treat older men and women and younger men and women (vs 1-2)

¨ He spends a lot of time dealing with how widows are to be treated (3-16)

¨ He addresses how elders are to be treated in the church

¨ He speaks to those who were slaves and how they should treat their masters, especially those who are Christian brothers. Paul does not condone the practice of slavery, but calls the slave to a higher service that flows from their being bond slaves to the Lord Jesus Christ.

 

I. The church is a spiritual family

 

In verses 1-2 Paul uses terms of family to describe our relationships within the church: father, brother, mother, sister. The church is a spiritual family - the family of God. It is good for us to think about this: we don't meet as a club or a fraternity. The church is not a formality - the church is a family.

 

How did you enter the family you are in? It was through one of two ways: either you were born into family or adopted into family. That is how we enter the family of God - except to become a child of God both must happen.

 

1. We must be born of the Spirit.

 

Recently in our family time we discussed gospel of John 3:3 where Jesus tells Nicodemus that to enter the kingdom of God you must be born again. I spent some concentrated time explaining what that meant to my youngest son Matthew who is 7 years old.

 

He came back couple days later and he had been playing with Benjamin St. Clair and told him that you needed to be born again to go to heaven. Benjamin said something like, "that's impossible!" When I heard that I told Matthew, Benjamin is right - it is impossible with man - it must be a work of God.

 

We are born spiritually dead to God, but when we are born again of the Spirit we are made alive to God. When someone believes in Christ and looks to Him for their salvation, trusting only in the atoning blood of Jesus, it is evidence that the Spirit of God has made them alive and even that faith is a gift from God.

 

1. We are adopted into the family God.

 

The beautiful thing about adoption is that an adopted child is chosen - it's not a biological union, but a union of loving choice. Adoption is so beautiful because it says, we want you and we choose you.

In love he (God the Father) predestined us for adoption through Jesus Christ, according to the purpose of His will... Eph. 1:4-5

 

Everyone who is saved has been born again into family of God and adopted into family of God.

 

See what kind of love the Father has given to us, that we should be called children of God; and so we are. The reason why the world does not know us is that it did not know him. 1 John 3:1 (ESV)

 

Paul's concern here is with our relationships in the family of God - how Christians treat one another.

 

II. How to treat one another in the family of God : Respect

 

The word that comes first to my mind as I read these two short verses is the word respect. I don't think our culture values respect very much today. Many years ago Aretha Franklin sang R-E-S-P-E-C-T (find out what it means to me).

 

Rodney Dangerfield (died in Oct 2004) made a career out of looking for a little respect. If you google the sentence I get no respect, the first four sites have to do with Dangerfield. Some of his lines were:

"I'm telling you I get no respect. One time I was kidnapped and the kidnappers sent back a piece of my finger to my parents. My father said he wanted more proof."

I looked up my family tree and found out I was the sap.

When I played in the sandbox, the cat kept covering me up.

My psychiatrist told me I was crazy and I said I want a second opinion. He said okay, you're ugly too.

In keeping with his persona, his headstone reads "Rodney Dangerfield - There goes the neighborhood."

 

A lack of respect might make a pretty good career for a comedian, but makes for a miserable family. Family that doesn't value respect for one another is a family that will probably find themselves frequently biting and devouring one another with their words. Respect is a vital glue to the life of a healthy family.

 

We have a large poster on our refrigerator - been there for years. It is the 21 Rules of This House. #5 says we speak quietly and respectfully to one another. This is an important value we want to teach our children. We don't always do that rule perfectly, but we are working at it constantly. We have to - our sinful hearts don't naturally tend to respect for others. Mothers - on this Mother's Day - you can say amen!

 

Valuing others is vitally important for the family of God to cultivate too!

 

1. Respect that doesn't strike with its words

 

"Do not rebuke an older man..."

 

I used to hear a line a lot growing up: respect your elders. Paul is calling Timothy to respect those older than him. Now Timothy is a pastor, and pastors are called at times to rebuke. Paul will write to Timothy in his second letter to, among other things, be ready to rebuke in his ministry. Certainly there will be times when an older man will disobey scripture or sin in some way as to need the kind of rebuke that is meant to get their attention and call them to stop. What does Paul mean, not to rebuke an older man?

 

The word used here for "rebuke" is not commonly used word for rebuke - in fact this is the only place in the New Testament where it is used. It means to strike at. The NIV captures the full sense by adding the word "harshly". Meaning is "don't strike them down with your words. Don't blast older men Timothy. When they need to be corrected, make sure you do it respectfully."

 

I have a dear friend who is an older man and a lovely Christian. When I met him, several years ago, he and his wife told me how they had recently been struck down verbally in a public meeting at their previous church by a young pastor who was new in the ministry.

 

I went to talk to the pastor to hear his side of the story. He was a fine young man and loved the Lord. He was very new to ministry - he'd been pastoring less than a year. As we talked, pastor to pastor, his tone and his words were harsh. They drew strong and unyielding lines and challenged anyone to cross that line. As if he was trying to get people to change through the force of striking at them with his words. He spoke exactly what Paul is saying not to do.

 

Pastoral application:

 

We all know what it is to strike at others with our words. I've done it. You've done it. And it's not just a danger when we're wrong or at fault. It's also a danger when we are speaking the truth. Maybe more so. The truth is precious and we are to love it - it is essential to any healthy church family. Sometimes loving and speaking the truth will mean saying things that are hard to hear - things that will even offend. But if we must offend, let it be with the truth, not with a tone or words that strike. Our tone and words should express respect, esteem, even honor, for the person, even if we are calling them to change.

 

Husbands and wives - be careful not striking at spouse with words to try and change them.

Parents - our kids can push our buttons at times (admit it), but we must be careful that we don't seek to change them by the force of our words. Never should use derogatory statements like:

 

¨ What are you, stupid?

¨ You're the laziest person I know

¨ If you keep going the way you are, never amount to anything

 

Relationships in the church - the Bible is called the Sword of the Spirit, but we must never wield the Word in such a way that we leave Christians cut up and bleeding from the truth. We are not to strike at people with our words - even when the words are true. If the force of the truth smites their heart - that is good. Let it be truth gently delivered, not striking.

 

Paul emphasizes the respect and deference that should be shown to older men - as fathers - but as in a healthy family, respect goes in all directions.

 

¨ treat the young men as brothers -as a peer, as someone you love and care about

¨ treat the older women as mothers - honor and deep respect

¨ younger women as sisters - and here Paul adds another aspect - with all purity.

 

Respect for the younger women in the church is to include protecting, guarding, their purity. Men - speaking to all men but especially our young men - you have a God-given responsibility as a man to guard and protect the honor and purity of the sisters.

 

That means that you don't flirt with young ladies. Don't try to draw their hearts to you or encourage them to bond emotionally with you until and unless there is commitment of courtship - even in that relationship it is to be a careful process that is based on growing friendship and exploring marriage, not based on romance. This is definitely counter-cultural, but it is biblical manhood - to protect and guard the young lady's heart with all purity.

 

1. Respect that comes alongside others

 

In many English versions it looks as though Paul is saying encourage the older men and then (in a separate thought) treat the younger, older women, younger women this way...

The KJV has it right: there is no separate word "treat". The word encourage extends through passage. In other words, encourage the older men as fathers, encourage the younger men as brothers, encourage older women as mothers, encourage younger women as sisters.

 

The word is parakaleo - one you've heard me mention more than once. It literally means to call from alongside of. It has a broad range of meaning: to encourage, entreat, to comfort. The voice we are to use with one another is to call from alongside of. The voice will sound different depending on what they need and what group they are in. But the church is like a family in that we are to come alongside of one another and encourage and provoke and appeal and entreat and comfort each other onward.

 

That's important: Paul is instructing Timothy, call those in the church onward! Exhort them on! We are to call each other forward in Christ. Seek to provoke to love and good works. Walk in a manner worthy of calling. Even rebuke!

 

We are not to strike from a perch of pride - think we are above them. Harsh words always reveal a proud heart - a self-righteousness that thinks its above whatever it is striking at. No, we are all sinners saved by grace. The ground is level at the cross. I relate to sinners because I am one.

 

So we call from alongside one another. We walk together - as the family of the redeemed.

 

1. Respect that is full of affection

 

Chuck Swindoll writes about one of those getaways with good friends - lifelong friends - that they were enjoying at a beautiful old mansion. As the wives laughed and told stories in the other room, he and the guys were swapping memories and busting on each other. After a while, the large stone mantel caught his eye. Something was written into the stone mantel above the fireplace. He couldn't read it in the dim light, so he got up to get closer. It read:

 

If your heart is cold, my fire cannot warm it.

 

When our hearts lose affection, they become cold. When churches lose affection - when its all about programs and numbers and building programs, they become cold. And church families are not meant to be cold.

Affection is a warm-heartedness, a tenderness toward someone. We see it here: father, brother, mother, sister. These are tender terms. I realize that there are families that are not affectionate. There are fathers who never or rarely say "I love you", there are mothers who are unkind and even cruel to their children. There are homes that are cold - no affection, no words of love, no tenderness.

 

But God intended for the family to be a place where tender love is expressed - the kind of love we call affection. Families are to be warm places - warm affection is served daily. Let me take this moment to urge you to take the time to express affection to one another. "It's not my personality" - well, maybe not, but how many times have I heard of parents who could not say I love you to their children, only to find later in life as they neared their sunset years, they desperately wanted to say and hear those words. Say them now, say them often.

 

And the church is to be a place of warm affection. Paul felt that kind of affection for the believers he served - and he wasn't afraid to say it, or to urge them to stoke the fire of their affection for one another:

 

Love one another with brotherly affection. Outdo one another in showing honor. Romans 12:10 (ESV)

 

For God is my witness, how I yearn for you all with the affection of Christ Jesus. Philip. 1:8 (ESV)

 

So if there is any encouragement in Christ, any comfort from love, any participation in the Spirit, any affection and sympathy, complete my joy by being of the same mind, having the same love, being in full accord and of one mind. Philip. 2:1-2 (ESV)

 

But we were gentle among you, like a nursing mother taking care of her own children. 8So, being affectionately desirous of you, we were ready to share with you not only the gospel of God but also our own selves, because you had become very dear to us. (do you hear the tender affection in that? Compares his care to a nursing mother. That's affection!)

 

11For you know how, like a father with his children, 12we exhorted each one of you and encouraged you and charged you to walk in a manner worthy of God, who calls you into his own kingdom and glory.

1 Thes. 2:7-12 (ESV)

 

Family. Rule # 5 is that we speak respectfully to one another -not the kind of respect that is cold and formal, but kind of respect that is warm-hearted, encouraging, and affectionate.

 

There is a fire that can warm our hearts with that love and affection. It is the fire of God's love for us. As we know His love, a love so strong He gave us His Son so that we might be His forever, our hearts overflow with His love for those around us.