Putting Away Anger

Putting Away Anger

 

 

Anger seems to be on the increase. In fact, anger is becoming so common in so many contexts these days that its hard to keep up with the new terms used to describe where anger is going to strike next. First the term "going postal" was coined after several violent outbursts of rage in post offices. Then we learned about road rage. Rage is no longer confined to post offices and highways. Now there are increasing incidences of:  

 

¨       Desk rage

¨       Air rage

¨       Surf rage

¨       Boat rage

¨       Shopping rage (that I understand)

 

As I thought about all this rage, I remembered with embarrassment how angry I got on the phone last summer as I tried to cancel my Vonage account and get a prorated refund from them. I got more and more frustrated as I was bounced from one customer service rep to another and told not only would I not receive a rebate, I owed them another $72 for canceling! After hours of what seemed to me an incredible runaround, I was getting pretty loud. Well, I googled it and yep, there is such a thing as...

 

¨       Phone rage (to my shame I think I was guilty of it!)

 

There may not have been such a thing as phone rage when Paul wrote this passage, but there was plenty of anger in all its various forms, and that is what Paul will focus on as we come to the end of chapter four. Let's begin reading...

 

Ephesians 4:29-32

The anger we are going to talk about this morning is sinful anger. In verse 26 we are told that there is an anger that is not sinful. Anger in itself is not a sinful emotion. God gets angry -it is His righteous response to sin and injustice. There are times when it is sinful not to be angry - when innocent people are abused or exploited or oppressed. There is a time to be angry - but sin creeps at the door of anger and most of the time for us the anger we know is sinful and self-serving anger. For the sake of this message, when I say anger, I mean unrighteous anger.

 

Anger is something we all deal with. We all get angry sometimes. And we've all had people get angry at us. The good news is that the gospel deals with the heart of anger in a way that nothing else can, and severs the root of anger in a way that nothing else can. The gospel gives us the power to put anger away and put on the kindness and forgiveness of Christ. It probably won't happen in a day - sanctification is a process, but the power of the gospel is greater than the power of our sin and that includes the sin of anger. If you struggle with anger, my prayer is that this passage will help you and give you hope. Three points from this passage:

 

I.                  Put away the many destructive forms of anger (vs. 31)

Paul lists six different forms anger can take:

a.       Bitterness is hatred that festers underneath the surface. Often unseen, that's why Hebrews warns against a "root of bitterness" growing up among us. Under the surface - but it does great damage and harm. Bitterness is characterized by a hard heart that does not want to let go of a wrong or perceived wrong.

b.      Wrath is open and fully vented anger - sometimes known as rage. Rage fills the heart and mind with a kind of insanity that makes it seem justified to say and do anything. Many hurtful things can be said.

 

I have seen rage up close and personal. It's very unsettling to have someone red-faced and screaming in your face in uncontrolled anger. There is a certain violence to it. Rage controls them and you can feel how out of control they are. If you struggle with this sinful expression of anger you know how out of control you are when you are in a rage, and how much you regret it and its damage afterward. There is hope and help for you in the gospel.

 

c.       Anger - Paul probably has in mind the kind of settled anger that seethes inwardly, but it includes the wide range of anger from the anger when someone cuts us off to the anger when our kids push our parental buttons for the thousandth time.

d.      Clamor - literally "shouting" - yelling in anger.

e.       Slander - speaking against someone's reputation and character. Usually behind their back.

f.       Malice - the desire and intent to do someone harm.

 

Anger not only comes in many different forms -it also expresses itself in different ways. There are people who blow up when their angry! There are others who clam up and keep it all stuffed inside. Some withdraw, sulk, maybe drive away or lock themselves in their room. Some people blow up and then withdraw. Some people keep it all stuffed inside until the pressure builds up so much they explode. That might be the most dangerous combination.

 

All of these forms of anger are destructive.

 

Recent research by neurosurgeons and biochemists have discovered that the chemicals released by anger, hatred and bitterness actually burn tunnel like holes in the brains nerve cells. One of those doctors, Dr. Leaf, has named these burned places "emotional black holes". So it's accurate to say that you are burning with anger.

 

Anger is destructive. It not only burns nerve cells - it burns relationships, it burns bridges, it burns people. and words filled with anger are words on fire with the fire of hell. James is so right when he says "the anger of man does not produce the righteousness that God requires." (Jas. 1:20)

 

Paul says "let all bitterness and wrath and anger...let all of this be put away." We'll consider in a few minutes how the gospel severs the root - consider: are you harboring anger in some form in your heart? Anger against a parent, a spouse, someone close to you that betrayed you, a co-worker? Paul's instruction is clear: put it all away - and the gospel provides the power for you to do just that.

 

II.               Put away the destructive communication of anger (vs. 29)

 

Let no "rotten" communication come out of mouths. The word sopra here means rotten or putrid such as rotten fruit or a rotting fish. Paul doesn't just have angry words in mind here but any kind of rotten talk - lying, gossip, flattery. But anger would certainly be big on his mind here. So much of the damage anger does is done through our words.

 

A kind of foolishness

Anger produces a kind of foolishness. We feel right about everything. Even when we know we are wrong we feel right! And anger causes us to feel (foolishly) justified to say almost anything - and often what we say in anger does great damage. Words become weapons we fire at each other.

 

¨       Spouses - words become arrows we shoot at each other to make our point. One husband I knew had gotten so far down the anger trail he would regularly tell his wife he wished he hadn't married her, didn't love her and he was miserable with her. The thing was - it wasn't true. He did love her. But when anger filled his heart he felt justified to say almost anything.

¨       Parents - years ago I was affected when I read in the book, Shepherding a Child's Heart, that as parents, we are to be agents of God furthering His agenda for our children, not furthering our personal agendas. So we aren't to discipline our children in anger - "what you're doing annoys me. Don't you know the effect your actions are having on my agenda?" That's disciplining for our own agenda rather than to promote God's purpose in their lives.  You can control a child's behavior through anger. You can produce obedient children (at least for a time) through anger. They will fear you too much to disobey. But haven't dealt with sin in their hearts, you have only changed their outward behavior out of the unhealthy motive of fear.

¨       Friends - you haven't spoken in years. Co-workers, you avoid them at work. We need to treat each other as brothers and sisters in Christ, for that is what we are.

 

The power of life and death is in the tongue. Paul is saying that by the power of the gospel, our words are to bring redemptive life. We are to speak words that build up, that fit the occasion, that give grace. Words, rather than being hurled at one another in anger, are to bring healing to one another. They are to be redemptive.

 

Do we have spiritual halitosis - rotten words?  Spiritual bad breath? Consider your words. Do they build up? Or do they tear down? Do people leave you feeling strengthened or weakened? God has made us new creatures in Christ - so we have the power to tame our tongues, not our own strength, but the power of Christ in us. But we can't give grace to the hearers unless we are the active and daily recipients of grace. Can't export what we don't have. So let's look at how the cross severs the root of anger and helps us put off anger and put on Christ.

 

III.           Put on the constructive grace and the redemptive forgiveness of Jesus Christ (vs. 29, 32)

 

The root of anger is in our hearts. Our words come from our heart - out of the abundance of the heart the mouths speaks. So angry words come from angry hearts - and that's where the change needs to take place. But how does the gospel change our hearts? By taking us to Calvary and there filling our hearts with a new principle/power - the principle of God's life and love to us and through us.

 

Look at verse 32: Be kind to one another...

 

This is a radically different response than anger produces. Paul has us survey the cross - and all God achieved for us there, because as we see God's heart towards us it changes our hearts toward others.

 

Be kind to one another...

Anger wants to hurt. Kindness wants to do good (kindness). God is kind and has been kind to us and that kindness flows from Calvary:

 

But when the goodness and loving kindness of God our Savior appeared, 5he saved us, not because of works done by us in righteousness, but according to his own mercy... Titus 3:4-5 (ESV)  

 (God in His mercy saved us) so that in the coming ages he might show the immeasurable riches of his

grace in kindness toward us in Christ Jesus.  Ephesians 2:7 (ESV)  

 

By meditating on God's undeserved kindness to us, our hearts will be filled with desire to be kind to others.

 

...tenderhearted...

 

Anger hardens the heart. Bitterness and malice in particular reveal a long-term hard-heartedness. The word tenderhearted means compassionate or full of pity. The gospels tell us that Jesus was often filled with compassion towards the needy. The cross demonstrates the compassion of God for lost sinners. In all our sin, God's heart toward us never hardened. He had compassion on us - and showed us mercy.

 

...forgiving one another, as God in Christ forgave you.

 

Forgiveness is the central key to severing the root of anger and Paul reminds us of the forgiveness that we have received through the cross and then says, because you have been forgiven, you are to forgive.

 

Debt collection or absorbing the debt?

Anger is a kind of debt collection. Now, just because we're angry doesn't in any way mean that some really did wrong us. We might just think they did. But nevertheless, anger demands justice - and seeks to achieve justice by hurting. It could be the parent who is angry because their child's disobedience has defied the parent's authority or their arguing or ungratefulness has ruined the parent's peace. It could be the disgruntled worker who shoots his boss dead because he was let go. It's a kind of debt collection, saying "you owe me for what you did".

 

Paul points us to the cross and the debt we owed to God. God had righteous wrath stored up for us - He had every right to pour it out on us for our sin. He could have demanded justice from us - and condemned us to hell forever. But He forgave us. And how did God in Christ forgive us? By absorbing the pain and punishment of our sin on the cross - by absorbing our debt so that we could be forgiven. We are a forgiven people - so we should be a forgiving people.

 

Sometimes people really will hurt us. We will experience real debt owed to us and real pain. Rather than extract payment for that hurt in anger, in remembrance of the cross, absorb it. You have been forgiven so much, so forgive, as God in Christ forgave you. When we realize how much God has forgiven us of, and how much good He has freely given us in Christ - that our future is eternal and filled with goodness and glory and hope and eternal life. That we will be forever in the presence of the living God, and that He has adopted us as His very own sons and daughters.

 

And as our hearts are filled with the kindness and tenderheartedness and forgiveness of God toward us - and the eternal difference it has made for us - our hearts are freed from the grip of anger and bitterness and filled with the love and forgiveness of Christ. Let's pray.