Concerning Marriage and Being Single

Concerning Marriage and Being Single 

Pastor Allen Snapp  4/12/15

If you’re visiting us this morning, we are in a study of the book of 1 Cor. and so let’s turn together to chapter 7. Paul tackles some pretty big – and sensitive – subjects in this chapter from marriage to divorce to remarriage to singleness to whether those engaged to be married should go forward with their plans or cancel the wedding and remain single. This morning I want us to consider what he has to say about marriage and being single, and next week we will tackle the question of divorce and remarriage. Needless to say, these can be challenging waters to navigate with both grace and faithfulness to God’s word and churches can tend to swing to one extreme or the other. For some churches divorce just isn’t that big a deal anymore as the breakdown of Christian marriages is considered almost commonplace. In other quarters, divorce is treated like the worst of sins and those who have experienced the heartbreak of divorce then experience the second heartbreak of feeling ostracized and condemned by those they hoped to receive help and comfort and friendship from. These can be challenging waters to navigate with faithfulness to God’s word and grace. And then there’s the subject of remarriage. What does the Bible say about remarriage? Does the Lord ever permit someone to remarry, and if so, when? 

Single people can also struggle with how they are to view their singleness and what God desires from their single years. And again, sometimes the church can be less than helpful, in some churches those who are single can feel like they’re treated like second class citizens who are just in a waiting pattern until they get married. I think we’ll see from God’s word this morning that God sees singleness quite differently. 

So let’s begin by reading vv. 1-5 and asking the Lord’s help and blessing as we seek to learn and grow from His word. 

1 Cor. 7:1-5

1 Cor. is actually a letter that Paul wrote in response to a letter that the church in Corinth wrote to him, a letter in which they ask Paul many questions about a variety of topics. The opening line of this chapter, Now concerning the matters about which you wrote, tells us Paul is about to tackle some of those questions, and we will see those words, now concerning five more times after this as Paul addresses the various topics they have raised.  

And then right off the bat we hit a wall! It is good for a man not to have sexual relations with a woman.  Talk about a blanket statement, what does it mean? We know that God’s word prohibits sexual immorality, but this sentence has no such qualifiers in it, like before marriage it is good for a man not to have sexual relations with a woman… it’s just not in here. So what does it mean? And we also need to ask, who’s saying it? Who’s line is this?

The traditional view has been that Paul is saying it, and that this sums up his preference of celibacy over marriage. What’s Paul’s advice about marriage? Don’t do it! Columnist Mike Royko of the Chicago Tribune proposes that the following warning be placed on every marriage license issued in the United States. "Warning: Use this at your own peril. The Census Bureau statistics say that using this license could be real dangerous to your future mental, physical, and financial health and could make you miserable for the rest of your life, if you live that long. It could lead to arguing, yelling, screaming, boozing, sulking, getting the old silent treatment, and a bunch of kids that are goofed up and making you feel guilty." Is this opening line Paul’s warning label on marriage? 

I don’t think so. There is a growing belief among those who study the Bible that these aren’t Paul’s words at all, that as he does in other places, he is actually quoting from the Corinthian’s letter. This is their line. We know from chapter six that there was a segment of the church who believed that it didn’t matter what they did with their bodies because the only thing that mattered to God was the spirit. In this framework of belief all matter is evil and only spirit is good. This belief always leads to two extremes: those who say it doesn’t matter what I do with my body then, I can sin away, because that sin doesn’t touch my spirit. And those who go to the other extreme and embrace ascetism – extreme self-denial in the name of being spiritual. In the name of being spiritual these people are calling for sexless marriages! We’ve heard of campaigns for abstinence before marriage, but this could well be the first and only campaign for abstinence after marriage in the history of mankind! But from this mindset, marriage and physical intimacy are beneath their higher plane of spirituality. After all, the Bible says that this world is passing away, Jesus said that there is no marriage in the next world, so they have come to the conclusion that marriage is hindering their walk with God and polluting their spiritual purity with fleshly desires.

If this is the mindset of some in the church, that marriage is a hindrance to their walk with God and their pursuit of a higher spirituality, then that is the mindset that Paul is dealing with throughout the chapter and the whole chapter makes more sense. 

• They are advocating sexual abstinence in marriage (because fleshly pleasures are unspiritual and evil).

• But why stop with abstinence? Still others were considering leaving their spouses outright in the name of following Jesus. Not for the reasons that most people in our culture today seek a divorce - irreconcilable differences (which is the catch all complaint for most divorces today) or because they wanted to run away with someone younger. Their reason for considering divorce was that to them marriage was unspiritual, lowly, and hindered them from living on the higher spiritual plane that God wanted them to live on.
• This was especially true for those married to an unbeliever – how could they thrive spiritually while married to someone who wasn’t following Christ? Wouldn’t their home and offspring be corrupted by the unbeliever? Aren’t they justified in leaving?
• And this raised the issue of what those who are still single, or betrothed to be married, but not yet married should do? If marriage is a spiritual drag, should they just not get married, not follow through on their betrothal? Those who were single, should they not seek to get married? Is that what God would want? Is that what it meant to be spiritual? 

Let’s consider three principles Paul speaks to married couples and to those who are single.

1.  There should be a mutual consideration for the desires and needs of the other spouse (vv. 2-5)

Paul doesn’t say everything there is to say about marriage in these verses. In Ephesians 5 he paints a beautiful picture of marriage as a picture of the union between Christ and the church. But here Paul is narrowly focused on the question of abstinence in marriage. 

There is a kind of spirituality that exploits spiritual things for selfish agendas. In this case, either the wife or the husband was using spirituality as an excuse to deprive their spouse of physical intimacy. Paul does an amazing thing here – it may not seem like much to us today, but it is way out of step for his culture and indeed for most cultures throughout history: he puts the husband and wife on an equal footing. Don’t be offended at me for pointing that out, ladies. It’s just the truth – that would have been unheard of in most cultures and most times. But Paul encourages them to express their spirituality by being considerate of the other spouse, of relinquishing their own rights and caring for the other person.

This is one practical way that husbands and wives can seek to protect their marriage from adultery. Satan has used sexual temptation to destroy many a life, many a marriage, and many a family and Paul sees this idea of abstinence in the marriage as playing right into Satan’s hands because their self-control won’t match their hyper-spiritual ideals. 

I want to expand this for just a minute. Unfortunately I’ve seen people use and abuse their spouses in the name of being spiritual. This is an extreme case, but I knew one Christian woman who’s husband, in the name of his advanced spirituality, not only abandoned her and their children, but he told her he was praying that she die so he can remarry, because in his mixed up, unbiblical, hyper-spiritual view of things, he could abandon the marriage, and leave his children, but he couldn’t remarry while she was alive. That is NOT Christian, and it’s not biblical – it is devilish! It’s Satanic abuse dressed up as a higher plane of spirituality and it’s reprehensible in the eyes of God. Spirituality that God approves of is considerate and loving and caring of the other people in our lives, especially (for those who are married) of our spouses. Following Jesus does call us to love him more than our fathers or mothers or children or husbands or wives, but truly following Jesus doesn’t undermine the Christian marriage, it undergirds it – it makes it better and stronger, not unimportant and weaker. Some in the Corinthian church were pitting spirituality against marriage and that is the opposite of God’s plan.

2.  Getting married or remaining single isn’t a matter of right or wrong, it’s a matter of gifting and grace from God (vv. 6-9, 25-38)

Paul makes no secret of it: his preference is that everyone would be celibate like him. Paul was single. Whether he was always single or his wife died, we really don’t know, but he is single now and this is his spiritual gift. So when he counsels them he is honest about his preferences, but he is also careful to make clear what is simply preference and what is the Lord’s command. The issue comes down to God’s gifting, not to right or wrong. Some have the gift of choosing to remain single, and some have the gift of getting married. There is grace to make different choices for the glory of God!

Paul addresses different categories of singleness here. In verses 8-10, it might seem like he’s talking to widows and anyone who is unmarried, but actually he’s talking to widows and widowers. Many languages have no word for widowers because historically widows have a far greater hardship than widowers have. The Greek language had a word for widowers but in Paul’s time it wasn’t used. The word he uses, translated “unmarried” was commonly used, not for unmarried, but for “demarried”, whether through death or divorce, and in this context it is almost certainly meant as a couplet with widows. If someone has lost a spouse, if they have grace to do so, it’s a good thing to remain unmarried. But in this case there are bereaved spouses who are falling into immorality and it’s better for them to marry again. 

In vv. 25-38 he is largely dealing with couples who are betrothed (engaged) to be married and he does encourage them to remain unmarried, but in this case there is a specific reason he does so. Look with me at verse 26: I think that in view of the present distress it is good for a person to remain as he is. And then jump down to 28: But if you do marry you have not sinned, and if a betrothed woman marries, she has not sinned. Yet those who marry will have worldly troubles, and I would spare you that.

The issue here isn’t whether it’s more spiritual to marry or not, there is a building distress that Paul realizes will add agony and heartache to those who do marry in such a crisis. At the time this letter was being written Jews had just been exiled from Rome and persecution was growing world-wide against Jews, and the Romans saw no distinction between Jews and Christians. Nero was already beginning to display signs of mental instability, which in a few years would blossom into full grown insanity and cruel wide-spread persecution of Christians and so there is a building crisis that Paul is aware of. There are seasons of history where entering into marriage will only add to the anxiety and suffering of individuals. As I was studying this particular portion of scripture a song from Schindler’s List came on Pandora. Schindler’s List is a movie based on the story of Oskar Schindler, a German industrialist who saved thousands of Jews during the holocaust, another harsh time where getting married and conducting life as usual would have been very hard to do.  Paul looks ahead and sees potential for great heartache and wants to spare them that, but it’s their choice. Sin isn’t in the equation, just the grace for believers to make different choices to the glory of God!

But in this section there is a gem of wisdom that speaks to all single believers. Look with me at vv. 32-35.

I want you to be free from anxieties. The unmarried man is anxious about the things of the Lord, how to please the Lord. But the married man is anxious about worldly things, how to please his wife, and his interests are divided. And the unmarried or betrothed woman is anxious about the things of the Lord, how to be holy in body and spirit. But the married woman is anxious about worldly things, how to please her husband. I say this for your own benefit, not to lay any restraint upon you, but to promote good order and to secure your undivided devotion to the Lord.1 Corinthians 7:32-35

Here’s the gem for those who are single: you are able to serve the Lord with an undivided focus in a way that a married person typically can’t. What that looks like for any given single person will vary, but here’s the point that runs contrary to how some people look at singleness: God’s view of singleness isn’t that it’s the season for waiting for marriage. Singleness isn’t a holding pattern as you wait for traffic control to clear you for marriage. God’s view is that it can be a season of undivided devotion to Him, a time when you are able to lay it on the line for Christ to a degree that is very hard for a married person to do, and an opportunity to bear unprecedented fruit for the kingdom of God! Singleness, whether it’s a season, or a life-choice like Paul, is a precious gift from God, and can be given as a precious gift back to God. Life doesn’t begin at marriage, but Paul would say that a radically undivided devotion to Christ does end at marriage! Not that devotion to Christ ends at marriage, but it is necessarily divided. The bottom line is that there is grace to make different decisions for the glory of God, and God works in our lives no matter what the status of our life is. That brings me to the third and final principle I want us to draw from this chapter before we close:

3.  God wants to use us in whatever state of life we find ourselves in (vv. 17-24)

When we first read this, we’re like “why is Paul talking about circumcision and slavery?” Talk about random. But actually he is using two common cultural issues to make a simple point: you don’t need to change your status to be used by God. His point isn’t don’t ever change your situation in life, in fact, he says to the slave, “if you can gain your freedom, avail yourself of the opportunity” (vs. 21), but don’t think you need to be free to be used by God. Don’t think you need to be uncircumcised or circumcised to be used by God. A few verses later he will apply this to marriage and betrothal and singleness: Are you bound to a wife? Do not seek to be free. Are you free from a wife? Do not seek a wife. 

Don’t let the language freak you out. When he says, are you bound to a wife, he isn’t comparing your wife to a ball and chain that you’re kind of stuck with. Marriage binds two people together in a committed union that is not to be broken (talk more about that next week). So if you are bound together in life with a wife or a husband, don’t think it’s God’s will for you to unbind that union to serve Him. 

If you’re single, don’t think that you need to change that status before God can use you or do great things in your life. God wants to use us whatever the status of our life. It’s like our status in life (single, married, widowed, engaged) is our assignment for now, and it’s where God will work, until He changes our assignment. We can take actions to change our status as we feel God leading us, but we should not do it because we think God can’t use us in the place life has us in right now.

The danger is we can miss what God wants to do in the place we find ourselves if we’re always looking at some other place as the place where God can use us. I remember talking to a guy at a pastor’s dinner, and he told me how he wanted to get into full time ministry so he could be used by God. I asked him what he did for a living and he said he was a guidance counselor for a high school. Now, the Lord might indeed have been calling him to full time ministry, but all I could think of was all the opportunities he had for ministry, opportunities to touch young people’s lives with the love of Christ that most of us would never have, because of where he worked. He already was in full time ministry!

Where are you at in life? Single? If that’s where God has you, it’s where God wants to use you. He’s used single people before to do quite a bit of good for the kingdom: Jesus and the Apostle Paul come to mind. Make the most of the opportunities that this season holds to serve and love Jesus and trust that God will use you and will also meet you with His grace and provision.  

In a job or a financial place or a health place and you feel like there needs to be a change for God to work? There might be hardship or challenges involved – certainly would be for slaves – but God can use you right where you are. If there’s a way to improve your situation, by all means do so, but trust God in the place you’re in even as you work for change.

Let’s pray and as we do, I want to encourage you to lift your life to God – whatever your current status is – and ask God to work in you and through you right here, right now. Ask God for greater faith to believe Him for the great things He desires for your life and the grace to take steps to love Him and serve Him more.