A Beautiful Friendship Part Two

Highlights from 1 Samuel

Allen Snapp

Grace Community Church

May 28, 2023

A Beautiful Friendship Part Two

Last week we considered the friendship between Saul’s son Jonathan and David and this morning is part two of that message.

A good and healthy friendship is a gift from God. When I hear someone talk about a good friend they have had for years and even decades, I always think what a gift you’ve been given. And that they must be doing something right to maintain a long term friendship. When people burn through friendships, when broken friendships is a pattern (not an exception) it’s a sign that they’re doing something wrong.

God values friendship. Abraham is called a friend of God. Jesus says to his disciples that he calls us friends. And in Jonathan and David we have one of the most loyal and unlikely friendships in the Bible.

The two points we looked at last week was that

1. Their friendship was built on character and a common faith in God
2. Their friendship was built on strong loyalty

3. Jonathan shoots straight with David even when it was hard to do

We’re not going to read all of chapter 20, but David comes to Jonathan and asks why his father is out to kill him. Jonathan doesn’t think he is. Last he heard from his father he’s sworn by the Lord he will not kill David. Jonathan thinks that’s still true, David informs him that the reason Saul isn’t telling Jonathan is because he knows Jonathan favors David.

So they make a plan to discern whether Saul wants to kill David or not. There’s a three day ceremonial feast coming up and the plan is that when Saul asks why David isn’t there, Jonathan will tell him that David asked to return to his family for the feast. If Saul’s good with that, then all is well. If Saul is angered, then they will know he intended to do harm to David.

They then go on to devise a secret message for Jonathan to let David know if it’s safe for him to come back or not. Jonathan will shoot three arrows near a rock behind which David will be hiding. If all is well and it’s safe for David, Jonathan will call to the boy sent to gather the arrows that they are nearer to him. If it’s not safe, Jonathan will call that the arrows are beyond him, go further, go further!

On the second day of the feast, as expected, Saul asks Jonathan where David is. Jonathan tells his father that David asked to return to his family. Here’s what happens:

³⁰ Then Saul's anger was kindled against Jonathan, and he said to him, “You son of a perverse, rebellious woman, do I not know that you have chosen the son of Jesse to your own shame, and to the shame of your mother's nakedness? ³¹ For as long as the son of Jesse lives on the earth, neither you nor your kingdom shall be established. Therefore send and bring him to me, for he shall surely die.”³² Then Jonathan answered Saul his father, “Why should he be put to death? What has he done?” ³³ But Saul hurled his spear at him to strike him. So Jonathan knew that his father was determined to put David to death. ³⁴ And Jonathan rose from the table in fierce anger and ate no food the second day of the month, for he was grieved for David, because his father had disgraced him.

³⁵ In the morning Jonathan went out into the field to the appointment with David, and with him a little boy. ³⁶ And he said to his boy, “Run and find the arrows that I shoot.” As the boy ran, he shot an arrow beyond him. ³⁷ And when the boy came to the place of the arrow that Jonathan had shot, Jonathan called after the boy and said, “Is not the arrow beyond you?” ³⁸ And Jonathan called after the boy, “Hurry! Be quick! Do not stay!” So Jonathan's boy gathered up the arrows and came to his master. ³⁹ But the boy knew nothing. Only Jonathan and David knew the matter. ⁴⁰ And Jonathan gave his weapons to his boy and said to him, “Go and carry them to the city.” ⁴¹ And as soon as the boy had gone, David rose from beside the stone heap and fell on his face to the ground and bowed three times. And they kissed one another and wept with one another, David weeping the most. ⁴² Then Jonathan said to David, “Go in peace, because we have sworn both of us in the name of the Lord, saying, ‘The Lord shall be between me and you, and between my offspring and your offspring, forever.’” And he rose and departed, and Jonathan went into the city.1 Sam 20:30-42

On a practical level, I have always wondered why they did the secret messaging with the arrows when right after they are able to talk face to face? The simple answer must be that they didn’t know if Jonathan would be followed and observed, thinking he would lead them to David. Archery was a common activity so it wouldn’t raise suspicions, and if someone was following Jonathan, he’d be able to get the message to David without them meeting. I hear an urgency in Jonathan – he left his father angry and realizing Saul was committed to murdering his friend. He’s angry and he needs to get that message to David as quickly as possible. He didn’t know if he’d be followed but as it turned out, it was clear and they were able to secretly meet.

I want to make a bit of a metaphor out of those arrows. They symbolized a message Jonathan didn’t want to give and David didn’t want to hear. This is a pivotal point in David’s life. If the arrows are this side of the rock, God is saying life can return to normal for David. That’s the message Jonathan wants to give and David wants to hear! But if Jonathan says “go, the arrows are beyond you” then it means, as verse 22 says, the Lord is sending him away. God’s will is going in a direction neither of them want. What is the Lord saying? What is God doing?

Sometimes we have the blessing of shooting the arrows of what people want to hear. God’s message is easy to give. But there are times when true friendship requires shooting arrows we don’t want to shoot and our friend doesn’t want to hear. Friendship means we shoot straight with those we care about. And we want our friends to shoot straight with us, even when it’s not what we want to hear.

Years ago Janice and I were hanging with our friends Jeff and Rachel Perry and we started talking about how we hated it when people played mind games with us. You know when they say one thing but mean another. Or manipulate you with guilt or flattery. Or withdraw emotionally but won’t tell you why. Mind games has you guessing what’s going on? They say one thing, mean another. We agreed we hate that!

Friends shoot straight! The Bible says faithful are the wounds of a friend but the kisses of an enemy are deceitful. The thing that seems to hurt heals and the thing that seems to comfort kills. If we want people to only shoot the arrows we want to hear, we’re going to be vulnerable to flattery. Flattery is words we want to hear that take us to places we don’t want to go. Deceitful. Unreal. Shoot straight!

The Lord was sending David away. He would live the next several years hiding out, running for his life. Jonathan would never get to see David become the king Jonathan knew he’d be, or support him the way he expected to. They wept painful tears. But through the tears, they knew this was God’s providence, His will for them. They trusted God ferociously and His providence over their lives and their offspring’s lives.

‘The Lord shall be between me and you, and between my offspring and your offspring, forever. Vs. 42

4. Jonathan is sacrificially unselfish in his friendship

Let’s go to their last meeting together. It’s found in chapter 23 and it’s amazing. David and his men are on the run, hiding out from Saul. There is one point where Jonathan is able to catch up with him.

¹⁵ David saw that Saul had come out to seek his life. David was in the wilderness of Ziph at Horesh. ¹⁶ And Jonathan, Saul's son, rose and went to David at Horesh, and strengthened his hand in God. ¹⁷ And he said to him, “Do not fear, for the hand of Saul my father shall not find you. You shall be king over Israel, and I shall be next to you. Saul my father also knows this.” ¹⁸ And the two of them made a covenant before the Lord. David remained at Horesh, and Jonathan went home. 1 Sam 23:15-18

There’s so much here, but Jonathan is the rightful heir to his father’s throne but he knows God has chosen to take the kingship away from Saul’s lineage and give it to David and Jonathan is ok with that. In fact, he encourages David at what must be a low point for David that he will indeed be king and Jonathan says, “I will be next to you.”

He won’t actually, because he will die in battle, but his heart is to support David even though in the natural it goes against his own interests and promotion. Jonathan is sacrificially unselfish in his friendship towards David.

Good friendships have to be unselfish, sometimes sacrificially so. Jesus said, there is no greater love than this, that a man lay down his life for his friends. Sacrificial love for his friends.

Friendships ebb and flow. As Ruth Graham said about marriage, friendships take two great givers and two great forgivers. Selfishness kills friendship because it makes the friendship a transaction: as long as I get what I want from you I’ll be your friend.

Friendship means serving and being served. It can never be a one-way street. Friendships mean in conversation we share about ourselves but are mindful to ask about them as well. It’s like a tennis game – they hit the ball to you (“how are you doing?”) then you hit the ball to them (“how’re things going for you?”) Of course, there are times when we might be going through a difficult season and our friend is there to listen and encourage us, but if in general your idea of a good conversation is your talking for 30 minutes straight with them only saying 6 words, you might want to work on that.

Friendship in the Bible is a precious thing, and most precious of all is Jesus calling us friends…if we do what he commands. And what does he command?

This is my command: Love each other. John 15:17

The church isn’t a building, it’s relationships. It’s fellowship. It’s growing together in Christ and provoking one another to love and good works. And in that, there will be friendships. Some close, some less close, but friendships. I want to challenge all of us – and I am definitely including myself! – to make the effort to make friends. To reach out. To connect.

We need it. As I mentioned last week, loneliness is at epidemic proportions in this country. It’s a thing. And it’s unhealthy to live in loneliness. I can’t tell you how many times over the years my thinking and attitude were spiraling downward into discouragement and doubt till I’m ready to give up and then I get together with someone or in a community group or some other way and my heart is encouraged and my perspective is lifted Godward. We can turn into our own little negative echo chambers if we don’t have friends speaking needed truth – shooting straight – with us. We need each other! We need healthy friendships. We really do!

Someone might say, “I don’t feel I need to. I’m fine where things are at. Church for me is walking the beach or the woods. I don’t feel a need for people – at least not more than a little bit.” I get it, I really do. It’s an effort for me often too. I’m becoming more of a homebody as I get older. It’s easier and less challenging to just zone out. But Jesus says we need each other and we need to love one another as an expression of obeying him and being his friend. That’s our primary motivation – we aren’t obeying Jesus if we aren’t loving one another and if we’re not obeying Jesus’ command we aren’t his friends. That’s what he says!

So we need to work at relationships and friendships for our own benefit, and to benefit others, and to obey Jesus and be his friend. Pretty good reasons for us to keep at it church! Let’s together aim to grow in this area for the glory of God and the good of His church. And when we fall and fail, let’s find a friend to pick us up and keep trying. That reminds me of a good scripture to close with.

Two people are better than one because [together] they have a good reward for their hard work. If one falls, the other can help his friend get up. But how tragic it is for the one who is alone when he falls. There is no one to help him get up. Ecclesiastes 4:9-10